Things We Don't Want To Hear From Andy Reid After An Eagle's Loss

The pain and suffering endured by all Eagle's fans during an Andy Reid post game press conference is undeniable. It possesses an extra sting in the backside while viewing this pointless media event, after a tough loss. Reid sweats like a fat kid after high school phys ed class and appears to be more uncomfortable than a claustrophobic, trapped in the trunk of a vehicle. So, it is with great pleasure, for the sake of all fellow Eagles fans, that I give you the top things we don't want to hear from Andy Reid after a loss.

1. The Time Is Yours. The perspiring walrus always uses this phrase to let the media know that he is ready for their questions. In reality, he is neither ready nor willing to honestly or candidly answer anything. He avoids all problem issues with great resolve and has an annoying tendency to repeat a few key phrases that he feels are applicable to every football game. And while we are pondering the prospect of time. How about managing the damn clock and your timeouts for once?

2. We got out coached by so and so's team today. The bottom line is--- we all watched the game. The play calling was awful. The game management was piss poor. And not a single fan missed the fact that you refused to attempt a run or simple QB sneak in your 5 opportunities on 4th and inches. Throwing yourself under the bus only reminds us of long lost, losing days where we were under the fearless leadership of NFL coaching legend, Rich Kotite.

3. I'll criticize the officials if all of you pay my fines. Earth to Andy! Earth to Andy! You just got screwed! Your fans, players, and even management are tired of your emotionless responses to controversial in game activity. Lay it out there for your squad and just blast an official for a questionable call that may have cost you a game. We may not pay your fines but we do pay absurd amounts of money for tickets. It is imperative that our coach not seem like an aimless zombie from a night of the living dead flick.

4. We've got to do a better job with that. Obviously, this goes without saying. And it would hold true merit, if any of us actually believed that you would do something different next week to improve the situation. But we all know that you are going to have your quarterback throw 65 times per game, be left with no timeouts in the fourth quarter, and refuse to make game adjustments like a competent football coach. So please, stop building false hope for Eagles nation.

5. Any mention of any play that you challenged in your history as a head coach. Any pre game preparation should include the application of super glue to the red challenge flag, while attaching it to Reid's pocket. All, instant replay challenges should be handled by a lucky fan that is selected by random lottery from the stadium. Could they possibly lose any more challenges or create more ill advised decisions than Reid? I would surely bet not.

We should not gripe or complain about the overall success during Andy Reid's tenure as head football coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. He has consistently led a playoff caliber squad for more than a decade and defined this program as the example of competitive consistency in the NFL. But we don't need a grumbling, groveling show of sorrow, while addressing your inadequacies after a loss. Nobody wants to hear a tape recorded list of excuses, that you spew following a tough defeat. A simple burst of we got our ass kicked and stunk up the joint is clearly sufficient. Now...... The time is yours.

Eagles Survive Horrific Officiating

Whenever Peyton Manning comes to town, you can be assured that the task at hand will be difficult enough. You expect precision in the passing game, dynamic adjustments to your defensive game plan and a recognition that no lead will ever be safe. What can never be prepared for, is the prospect that the game officials will give his Colts numerous opportunities to claw their way back into the ballgame.

Such, was painfully the case, Sunday evening at Lincoln financial field, as the Eagles outlasted the Colts in a 26-24 heart stopper. Michael Vick, in his return, threw for 218 yards and a touchdown, while also using his legs to rush for 74 yards and yet another score. Receiver Desean Jackson, also in a much anticipated return from injury, torched the Colts defense for 109 yards receiving on 7 catches, while also finding the endzone once. All while the Eagle defense admirably slowed an injury riddled Colt's offense, on the shoulders of cornerback Asante Samuel, who intercepted Peyton Manning twice.

But as any spectator would tell you, this game was never permitted to progress in its natural flow. Commissioner Goodell's Gestapo officials swayed game momentum and guaranteed the score of the game to be much closer than it should have been. What made matters worse is that each questionable call either removed points from the board or worked to sustain a Colts drive that had faltered.

The first half presented one of my favorite football official blunders , the blown instant replay call. A Manning to Wayne pass, which was clearly trapped to the ground, was ruled a catch on the field. A subsequent replay review served no justice in overturning the call, and propelled the Colts to a key scoring drive.

But this was only step one in the plethora of official follies. The NFL movement toward flag football was, once again, on full disgusting display. Another Colts drive should have been stopped to a halt as receiver Austin Collie was sandwiched in a clean, legal pop by Eagle safeties Kurt Coleman and Quintin Mikell. But Collie remained motionless, invoking a fear driven flag, thrown on the basis of the new defenseless receiver rule. Once again, this preserved an Indianapolis drive that resulted in 7 points.

The parade of inadequacy continued as a Michael Vick to Brent Celek touchdown score was negated by a holding call. And at the risk of becoming redundant, the list goes on and on with a crew of officials who seemed destined to determine the outcome of this football game. But the crown jewel of needless intervention occurred late in the 4th quarter on the second to last Colts drive. Eagles defensive end Trent Cole swatted the football from an unsuspecting Manning causing a fumble that should have put the contest on ice. But the slippery yellow flag reared its ugly head again, as game officials deemed a sliding hand to Manning's head, to be worthy of a personal foul. Once again, the Colts scored after the mishap, closing the gap to two points with mere minutes to play.

Thankfully, for the safety of my home and television set, the Birds were able to withstand a final drive by Manning, and prevail. But that should not excuse the atrocious officiating nor the ever expanding rule set, that threatens to destroy pro football as we know it. I'm not asking to sacrifice the health or safety of the present league participants. I'm just saying, in dramatic fashion, that league officials should be permitted to use some discretion and common sense, while managing the game.

 NFL football is defined by intensity and violent physical contact. Players sign enormous contracts with this risk in mind and fans continue to spend their hard earned money to witness it in its purest form. To continually tamper with this premise creates an unwelcome farce and will ultimately destroy the allure and tradition of the game

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Late Game Coma Proves Fatal For Eagles

It was the same old story Sunday afternoon in Nashville. The only twist was a depressing, unhappy ending, leaving a rotten taste in the mouths of the Philadelphia Eagles and their fans. The schizophrenic personality of this team once again flipped on a dime as the Eagles dropped a seemingly winnable contest, 37-19, to the Tennessee Titans.

The theme was much the same as in previous weeks where the Birds appeared to be in complete control in the first half of play. Similar to the games against the 49ers and Lions, the Eagles kept the Titans off balance with a steady dose of Lesean McCoy on the ground and catching the ball out of the backfield. All the while, featuring an efficient, ball control passing attack with Kevin Kolb, who was operating without premier deep threat Desean Jackson. But unlike the standard script, the defensive second half nap caused a nauseating collapse.

The Eagles defensive unit did an admirable job of containing the leagues most dangerous weapon, Chris Johnson. They stacked the line of scrimmage with extra muscle in the box and provided little running room for Johnson, who managed only 66 yards from 24 carries. On most weeks, playing against an average corps of receivers and an aging QB in Kerry Collins, it would have been more than enough to secure a victory. But, today, with the mere flip of a switch, the Titans smash mouth, vanilla offense began to systematically derail the Eagle's young secondary with an aerial assault.

Kerry Collins appeared to magically turn back the clock and second year receiver, Kenny Britt, looked every bit the role of a pro bowl receiver. That is just how awful this Eagles defense was in the second half of play. Britt torched them in horrific fashion for a career high 225 yards receiving and 3 touchdowns. Safeties Nate Allen and Quintin  Mikell took turns demonstrating their inadequacies in coverage. Both allowed Britt to easily step behind them on multiple occasions and lacked the recovery speed to make plays on the deep ball.

This display was particularly disturbing as we look toward a game against the Indianapolis Colts after the bye week. If this defense struggled with the deadly attack of Collins to Britt, how will they respond when faced with Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne? The high powered Colts offense not only features multiple options at wide receiver but also has a fuctional running attack .

As we move to the comfort of a much needed bye week, Eagles fans look for some type of encouraging reassurance. Maybe it comes from the theory that most NFC teams are sailing in the same boat of mediocrity. Most of your division leaders are in a struggle to stay over .500 and only the Atlanta Falcons have reached 5 wins, prior to the Sunday late games. And this is the same Falcons team that the Eagles exposed to have plenty of defensive flaws of their own.

I have never been one to hang my hat on the look how bad the rest of the league is card. History has shown that certain teams will pull their act together and take shape as legitimate playoff contenders. If the Eagles have any aspirations of reaching this goal, they will need to consistently play two complete halves of football. Anything less will only strive to improve their position in next years NFL draft.

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Vick Goes Hero To Goat With Sunday Flop

You can almost feel the euphoria and feelings of adoration for Michael Vick in the city of brotherly love. Three straight dynamite performances, including one near flawless clinic last week, have the boisterous locals ready to hand over the keys to the city. Vick has looked every part of a  complete, polished version of his younger Pro Bowl self. But just how far will the bandwagon support travel, if he fails miserably on Sunday?

While both starting quarterbacks have done their absolute best to downplay any hype for Sunday's divisional rivalry, not a soul is buying the company line. They know very well just how much is at stake when they square off and would relish nothing more than to outperform the other while leading their team to victory. It is a game of vindication, a long awaited time for both stars to prove the exact reason that the are or should have been the right man for the job. For McNabb this is the big stage opportunity to prove to Philadelphia fans and Eagle's management that he always was the proper captain of the ship and that Andy Reid's pass happy system failed him in the end. While Vick looks to reward the organization for taking an enormous risk on him and his badly damaged reputation, by proving that moving McNabb was just the first order of business in building a championship team.

It almost seems unfair to place such an unreasonable amount of pressure on Vick for one built up showdown. By all rights he should not have to bear the burden of a decade of festering  and misplaced anger toward McNabb. He was not a part of the organization when Donovan was viciously jeered when drafted by Philadelphia. Vick was never a part of those NFC Championship losses and surely never was in the Super Bowl huddle when McNabb vomited from exhaustion or nerves. So why would a man who shares none of the history nor pain be forced to bear that burden? Why would a quarterback who was firmly in place as a backup up until a week ago be expected to overshadow a potential Hall of Fame quarterback? Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Philadelphia sports in a nutshell. The field general could be Joe Montana himself and these fans would talk about this game 20 years for now if he fell on his face and was out dueled by McNabb.

Don't believe me? Can't imagine that emotions could sway so quickly and intensely from month to month, game to game and day to day there? Just ask Jolly ole Saint Nick and his sack full of presents and mouthful of snowballs, how it feels to get a warm Philadelphia welcome. Or perhaps survey Michael Irvin as to how he felt to hear obnoxious cheers as he was embedded in the Vet turf wondering if he would ever walk again. Look, I'm a passionate Philadelphia sports fan and my intention is not to stereotype all of us as unsupportive or cold hearted human beings. But what I will guarantee you is that this city does not permit lame excuses for failure in its sports teams. And if you want any shot to survive the storm, you better have skin thicker than your standard swamp alligator.

For further proof of volatility, consider the fact that many merchandising shops and fans refused to sell or buy Michael Vick jerseys after his initial signing in Philadelphia. There was a somewhat ignorant NFL fan subculture that would isolate you for buying and wearing one of the Eagle green number 7 jerseys. The brave souls would be forced to deal with harsh dog pound comments and even be pressured to look over their shoulders for signs of PETA supporters hiding in the crowd. But success and winning are always the ultimate equalizer in this sport. Those same sports gift shops are now making a precious mint on Vick merchandise and have even run the real risk of having demand outweigh supply for his jersey. And it has even been predicted that it could slide it's way, by seasons end, into the NFL's top ten wanted list.

Through all of the plot lines and anticipation, the truth remains that both quarterbacks will likely play very well come 4:15 at Lincoln Financial Field on Sunday. In all likelihood the game will be decided on defense, by the turnover battle, or logically, who protects their signal caller the best. But the inevitable truth is  that one of these competitors in this early season sideshow will walk away with a highly coveted victory for their team , their fans and their egos. And if either one of them answered in an honest, candid fashion, they would tell you that this game means damn near as much as any one they have participated in outside of playoff competition. For Vick this is the ultimate opportunity to provide another belt notch for what could be seen as one of the best sports comebacks of our generation. But let he not look too far ahead, for he is expected to first fulfill a hefty obligation to this city. Any failure to do so could leave him feeling like Santa Claus with no sleigh to escape.

FOX Displays Eagle's Domination and Kolb As Cheerleader

The toughest call in Sunday's Eagles, Jaguars game may have been deciding who was most uncomfortable. Was it the ineffective Jaguars, who were dominated on both sides of the ball or Kevin Kolb who was reduced to a giggling, celebrating cheerleader on the sideline? Both were in full shameless display during the late afternoon, lopsided affair.

The Michael Vick experience was, once again, even better than advertised. Vick rose above the hype and proved coach Andy Reid to be a flip flopping genius, by throwing for three scores and scrambling on foot for another. His maturation process was never more evident than through his poise and patience in the pocket. Vick demonstrated a lightening quick release and too quick advantage of the speed edge, receivers Desean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin, possessed versus an over matched Jacksonville secondary. Vick took his renowned cannon arm and showed a newly focused touch and accuracy which was on full display during numerous, perfectly timed, sideline patterns.

If anything on the field of play upstaged Vick, it would be the devastating thrashing that the Eagle's defense dealt to the Jags. The defensive line blew Jacksonville's offensive front off of the ball, creating additional turmoil for struggling QB, David Garrard. The Jags failed to reach 200 yards in total offense for the game while Garrard threw one interception. In reality, he could have been picked off 6 or 7 times as hurried, errant passes fell just out of the grasp of Eagle defenders.

Thankfully, FOX was able to make the most of its air time by switching to its own special report, media side show. Anytime Michael Vick produced significant results on the field, the camera would immediately flash to the sideline to gauge the reaction of Kevin Kolb. Kolb put on his best acting face and would have been better served, for FOX TV purposes, to be wearing a wig and cheerleader costume. In his best Kim Kardashian/ Jessica Simpson impersonation, Kolb clapped and danced his way to the title of America's most endearing backup quarterback.

For now, the quarterback controversy, has been put safely, away to bed. The resurgence of Michael Vick has captured the undivided support in the locker room and created a pressing back order of football jerseys in gift shops. And stopping short of wearing a number 7 replica, Kolb has continued to be a model, supportive teammate.

Favre Gets Playboy Gift Baskett As Consolation Prize

Raise your hands if you think Minnesota QB, Brett Favre would now be happier on a tractor on his farm then attempting to lead an 0-2 football team? Somehow you just know that Brett would have gained more satisfaction out of watching the drooling Vikings fans who were rabidly awaiting a decision than getting his head kicked in and throwing interceptions like a developing rookie. A painful loss in the NFC title game was bad enough but a following season titanic flop after a tearful recruitment trip from your kicker, must be too much to bear for Favre.

But hold the phone, Viking land. Your beaten group of purple warriors have now added the services of nomad and traveling practice squad hero, Hank Baskett. Baskett is  best known for his high profile marriage to Playboy starlet and reality show phenom, Kendra Wilkinson. His football career and corresponding statistics are not near as spectacular nor prolific.

Baskett was released by the Philadelphia Eagles after his second tour of duty on September 21st and is now in his second glorious go around with the Minnesota Vikings. Vike's fans have to be wondering how a number 4 caliber wide receiver and special teams standout is going to turn the tables around for an ailing football team that had high Super Bowl aspirations. For a team that was in need of a little star power with the ability to stretch the field and bail out Favre in a pinch, this move hardly fit the bill as a blockbuster difference maker.

With star receiver Sidney Rice sidelined for nearly half the year and the speedy Percy Harvin nursing his migraines, Favre needed another weapon to compliment sturdy tight end Visanthe Shiancoe. Vincent Jackson would have been the perfect fit as he had both the size and red zone presence to once again let Brett the gunslinger fire away without caution. But the rumored two second round draft picks that San Diego demanded as compensation for Jackson, all but killed the chance of any sane front office jumping in to take a shot.

So until the next great rumor surfaces or the grumbling of discontent sparks another prospect of a dynamite trade, the Vikings will line up behind Favre and hope to grind their way back into contention. Adrian Peterson will face 8 and 9 man fronts and Brett will be longing for a game of touch football in his wranglers. The defense, intimidating as it can be, will strive to limit their opponent to points and create turnovers as to place its one dimensional offense in advantageous situations. And as for Baskett? Any opportunity is better than being forced back to the Playboy Mansion to suck on a pipe while Heff sizes up your wife.

Dollar Dog Night Is Phillie's Full Moon

It is purely the stuff that legends are made of . A dark secret in folklore which is passed by word of mouth from superstitious Phillies fans of all ages. Or maybe just an exaggeration not worthy of competing with Bigfoot, the loch ness Monster and other great fabled myths. It is the famous Philadelphia Phillies dollar hot dog night and ticket stubs should clearly warn to enter at your own risk.

This was never my intention, to brave this famed event, as I pondered another Phillies victory and chance to once again grab a strangle hold on the NL East title. As I pounded beers and Jagermeister in the parking lot, the last thing on my mind was the allure of a cheap meal and the opportunity to buy hot dogs in a bag by the dozen. But my life was destined to change forever, as my glossy eyed brother in law spilled the beans on Broad Street's dirty little, dastardly secret.

"You know this is dollar dog night, right?", he exclaimed with an eerie feel of uncertainty. I stumbled to the side, shook my head and responded in an apathetic blubbering that sounded much like who the hell cares. He responded with nervous grin and a chronicle of events that had been marked in infamy during past occurrences of this warped ballpark holiday.

Lets start with Monday, May 3rd,2010. The Phillies were at home and all seemed quiet until around the seventh inning. It was at this fateful time, that a fan dashed into sight from the right field area. He proudly sprinted around and made his way in a frenzy toward center. He evaded security like a swift moving tailback and seemed to feed on the confusion and fan frenzy reaction. That was until his act was rudely disturbed by the sinister taser of an unamused member of security. This highly publicized chase and apprehension? Dollar dog night, my friends.

I yawned with boredom as my ballpark companion moved to exhibit two in his bizarre, spooky tale. The scene was once again Citizens Bank Park on April 14th, 2010. A course of events was about to unfold that was described by many in attendance as one of the most vile, disgusting things that they had ever seen. A 21 year old man, who was obviously intoxicated, stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited all over an 11 year old girl. The case immediately became a media hot bed as the unfortunate drunk man had made the awful mistake of spewing chunks on an undercover police officer's daughter. His subsequent arrest with charges filed for aggravated assault and resisting arrest, brings about a simple question. Why did this disgusting young punk feel such an urge to pull the trigger at such an inopportune time? Could this have anything to do with the fact that it was once again dollar dog night?

As we reclined in our stadium seats  amongst a playoff atmosphere of waving white towels and World Series aspirations, I almost questioned the accuracy of my brother in law's misguided legend. The night seemed perfect with not an unplanned occurrence in sight, before a man draped in a skintight red, body suit sprung to the field in a gallop of glory. Thoughts of terror and disbelief raced through my pickled mind as the cream of the crop in stadium security, known as Brave's outfielder Matt Diaz, tripped Redman's racing foot and crashed him to the turf. I tried to blurt out an obscenity but unfortunately, I had a dollar hot dog, permanently lodged in my throat.

Nothing disturbs me more than admitting defeat or even that I may have been wrong. So I furiously tried to explain why this dollar hot dog night had taken on the characteristics of a Halloween witching hour. Are the dogs laced with some type of psychedelic drug? Does the average fan have that much money left over for beer, that he grows a full coat of fur and begins to howl? I don't think that it will ever be explained nor will I ever doubt the mysterious haunting factor of the ballpark frank ever again. And as I fired up my grill and prepared the meat for a serene Tuesday night cookout, one thing was blatantly apparent. I would be enjoying nothing but a juicy cheeseburger for dinner that evening.